MIA

Hey all…i’m sorry I have not posted in a while. Everything is ok with me and the baby. Beefcake thought he’d ‘fix’ an issue I was having with my laptop and lo and behold – the laptop is completely screwed. (Gotta love him)!  I can’t even sign on to the thing – let alone get online. I don’t have any internet access, so we are checking out those cute little laptop ‘notebooks’.  I miss you all and I miss blogging! I find out in a week or so if Zygote is a baby boy or girl.  Hopefully I’ll be up and running w/internet access, and not at freakin’ Best.buy using their internet while ‘testing’ laptops.

All the best until later…

Work & A Slight Bump in the Road

I returned back to work yesterday.  I was well received – many hugs and questions as to my ’sudden’ (for those at work that did not know) leave.  There were curious looks at my belly – so I finally spilled the beans about the pregnancy.  I’m at that stage where it’s hard to tell whether i’ve indulged in too much cheesecake or if I have a little passenger on board.  When my news met elated joy I was honest about why I am much more reserved.  I let whoever I was speaking to know that I have suffered through 2 prior losses.  Everyone was very supportive, and I feel like I am back into the swing of things.  One guy in particular told me that there were 2 devasting pregnancy losses in his own family and that he REALLY understood.  I just had to hug him - he was so sweet and sensitive.  At this point I feel no residual pain from the surgery, the only pain I feel is hip pain which has been a constant in all of my pregnancies. 

The only bad news is that my results from my glucose screening came back at ‘elevated’.  I now have to wait for next steps to arrive in the mail from my ob/gyn’s office.   From what the nurse told me, I will have to take a 3 hour test that will involve 3 blood draws for confimation of gestat.ional dia.betes.  I was frantic when I first heard the message on my voicemail.  My doctor’s office calling and leaving no details except a request for a callback worried me for bad news.  I mean things went downhill with Emi after a call revealed that she had a risk of a devastating neural tube defect.  Thankfully, once I spoke to the nurse, she assured me that that blood test came back negative. (Although in my opinion she took too long to say ”negative”).  Whew… Cool beans.

16 Weeks, 4 Days & A Healthy Dose of Forgiveness

I had quite an eventful visit today at the OB/GYN.  All is well. (Yay!) I had to have an AFP blood draw, Glucose tolerance test and a cervical length.  The technician checked in on Zygote prior to checking my length.  Zygote’s heartbeat, fluid and size were all looking good.  He (I can’t refer to the baby as he/she for the rest of this pregnancy and ‘It’ is out of the question!) was waving his hands around and kicking up his legs – very active.  The best part was the cervical length check.  The tech was practically drooling over Dr. Miracle’s work.  The placement – in her words – was pefect, it could not be more ideal.  The TAC was waaaaaay up on my cervix, right at the internal os, where the uterus and cervix meet.  She said that usually with traditional vaginal cerclages they are placed a lot lower and are not always as high as they should be, but she was very happy about the TAC.  She applied fundal pressure – and the TAC did not budge for anything.  After the surgery I had a cervical length of 3.0 and now it’s a 4.1!!!!  She told me I can cross cervical incompetence off my list of worries.  Glad to!  Indeed.  The TAC is worth the pain and the slight soreness I still feel.  But I am much better and it is ALL worth it.

I had the consult with the OB and we discussed the following:

Should I take P17 shots?  According to my OB, I have had classic cervical incompetence.  I have no pre-term risk factors.  So, um, no.

I received the H1N.1 vaccine.

My bloodpressure is very good.

I had my blood drawn for the glucose test as well as my AFP screening.

I’ve gained about 11 lbs.

I received my medical certificate stating I can go back to work this Monday.  (After 3 whole weeks – I hope I don’t have to be re-trained.) 

The eventful part:  While waiting I saw Drama Queen walk into the waiting room.  (What are the odds?  I didn’t even know that we went to the same practice.) We have not seen each other in over 2 years.  I said hello to her and noticed she was visibly upset and looked very shaken.  I asked her to sit down and asked her if she was ok.  In an unsteady voice she told me that one of the OB’s just confirmed her 6th chemical pregnancy.   She does not know if she can have more kids and she will need several more tests.  She said she knew I understood her pain and I empathetically nodded.  She asked if I was there for good news.

“I hope so,” I responded.  I decided this was not a good time to tell her about my happy news, even as I contemplated her lack of compassion for me while she was pregnant with her daughter.  She had tinted glasses on, but I could still see into her eyes as she told me: “I don’t beleive our meeting here was a coincidence – God wo.rks in mysterious ways.  If I ever offended you or hurt you in anyway, I am truly very sorry and hope you can forgive me.  I really mean it, and I’m not just saying this because I am hurting.”  I smiled at her and we hugged.  I gladly accepted her extended olive branch, this was truly very big of her.  

Wow.  Just wow.

Haiti

To the people of Haiti, I’m thinking of you in your hour of need.  I am so sorry for the devastation now facing you.  I am glad that so many nations are coming to your aid.   Beefcake and I will do our best and give what we can to support you also.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Surgery went well.

Surgery went very well.  45 minutes in total.  I want to add a lot more detail – this deserves a lot more detail, but I am tired and still slightly drugged.  I took some photos -which I’ll be posting, but I must warn you – I look like crap.  Before leaving Dr. Davis checked in on Zygote and all was well.  I love Dr. Davis. Period.

 I am home after 3 nights in the hospital.  It’s good to be in bed and to have Peaches by my side.  It’s good to bring in a new year in this way.

Happy New Year!  Love, peace and light to all.

Ready

I am on the very cusp of what will be nothing less than a life saving procedure for my baby tomorrow.  

Sometimes you just have to give in, even if that means giving in to fits of sadness and bitter tears.  I thought of my girls today, passionately, deeply and whole-heartedly.  I manged to choke out “I’m so sorry” several times through my tears and pain-filled breaths thinking of Emi and Daniella.  Thinking about how I was powerless to save them and could only watch as life slipped away from each.  As I take in the enormity of what tomorrow represents to this baby and to my painfully suspended hopes and dreams I look forward to the future.  I just wish I could have offered more to my daughters than pointless bargaining with a higher power and bitter tears. 

Forward and onward.  Blinders on.  I am so ready.

TAC Surgery

I reached out to Dr. Miracle and he called back within an hour.  He went over my history, we discussed options and finally settled on a date for the TAC surgery – December 28th – I will be 14 weeks by then.  On that date I will go in for one last sonogram at his facility and when he confirms all is well – the next step is surgery – that very day.

This is really happening…

Here we go!!!

Baby had his (her?) close-up today; the tech and the doctor took turns looking abdominaly and vagina.ly and they could not see anything wrong with the baby.  The doctor said that I should have one more lookover before the TAC, but she has no reason to feel that anything looks ’suspicious’.

…and EXHALE…whew…

Tomorrow I will work on getting in contact with Dr. Davis Dr. Miracle.  Let’s hope he lives up to his name. 

I heard Zygote’s heartbeat and he was just so very active…just bouncing around happily.  He was completly oblivious to our spying.

Words can not express how I feel right now inside.

Tick…tick…tick…

The time draws near to find out the fate of my baby, my Zygote.  Next week skilled technicians will start to look and see if baby is ‘ok’.  I don’t know why but I beleive everything will be just fine.  Something in my gut (no pun intended) just leads me to beleive, but not quite trust my instinct.  I hope I’m not wrong – and not just for obvious reasons.  I’d like to beleive that the psy.chic streak that runs through my family also runs through me.  My grandmother already told me “you’ve got it”. 

Grandma is grumpy with her leg and therefore making me grumpy.  Beefcake and I try to be considerate and understanding of her frustration but it is taxing at times.  She is very needy and demanding and scared.  Spending the last few weeks with her makes me realize how unfair aging is.  She was once vital, independent and strong, and now all I see is this startling decline.  It makes me sad for her and it is depressing to know that I am headed that way.  I have no problem with aging when it comes to wrinkles…grays…etc.  I just don’t understand why someone has to go through such a decline and in some cases revert to being like a child only to die anyway…rant over.

I am 12 weeks today and showing.  Queasiness (a once constant companion), is subsiding, breasts are sore (Beefcake misses his toys), hip pain is settling in and hunger pangs are subsiding.  I’m having a lot of dreams where my child is a boy.  I think i’ve already had 3.  BigSexxxy has had a few dreams with me being very far along and telling her “i’m almost there”.  In one of the dreams she saw us preparing for my baby shower but she saw pink.  Hmmm…

Time will tell.

Universe, I want THIS baby.  Happy, healthy, strong, inteligent, beautiful and born SCREAMING!!!

Anxiety is waaaaaay down….

The last few weeks have been quite busy.  Work had been beefing up but we just eased out of our recruiting peak.  My boss is out on a medical leave and Mother Go.ose is about to go out as well on her own medical leave.  It’s been quite a busy, stressful, crazy time.

My grandmother has been in town for the last few weeks with us and it has been great having her.  She had been walking a lot despite our (Beefcake and I) advice against it.  One day she gets up out of bed…takes one step…feels a surge of pain and falls over.  When I got home she told me on how she had been on the floor for over 2 hours and not been able to get up.    She knocked over our paper shredder during her fall so she decided to just start picking up the mess while on the floor.  Then figuring the floor was carpeted she grabbed a pillow off the bed and napped.  She killed me when she told me this.  I insisted on taking her to the emergency room, but she said she only felt arthritis pain, so we iced it for the night.  The next day I came home and her whole foot was swollen and bruised…again she insisted it was just arthritis.  “Yeah, well let’s have a doctor tell us that, shall we?”, I told her.  5 hours later we find out that she fractured 2 bones in her ankle.  My husband is renting her a wheelchair to get around the house.  Instead, she sits in the wheelchair (like a recliner) and gets up and walks around whenever she needs to.  She also goes through 5lbs of sugar in less than 2 weeks when she makes herself lemonade.  I have given up on chastising her – she’s 85 years old with no sugar or high cholesterol issues and the lady has the cohones to walk on a broken ankle.  I think she’s made it this far…I just chuckle to myself and let her be.

In baby news, I am having unusually strong symptoms; I am virtually in a state of constant queasiness.  Not fun.  I’m also eating non-stop.  I have gained almost 10lbs – like it’s cool.  We refer to baby as ‘The Zygote’.  I am over 9 weeks,  in 3 weeks I am scheduled to have a triple-screen and they will look too see if baby is Meckel-Gruber free.  Our odds for success are 75% – but I don’t beleive in odds – I beleive in fate. 

I also beleive in Zo.loft.  Zolo.ft is a god.  I went to the doctor yesterday and was told my blood pressure was 110 over 70 as opposed to 140/90 only 3+ weeks ago (prior to Zo.loft).  I also went to see my in-laws for the first time in nearly a year.  The meds really got me through it – they are really working on my anxiety.

The rest of my family and friends are due to come in between today and tomorrow.  I can’t wait for lots of food and fun.  Happy Thanksgiving friends – there are so many of you I wish I could just hug!